Emotion Coaching: The Heart of Parenting
“All feelings are acceptable. All wishes are acceptable. Not all actions and behaviors are acceptable.”
— DR. JOHN GOTTMAN
Parenting today can feel overwhelming with the amount of parenting material flooding the market. How do you know which one to choose? What one thing can you do for your child that would make the most difference in their life? Dr. John Gottman has been studying families for over twenty years to discover which children develop successfully and why. The answer lies in emotional intelligence. He found children who were Emotion Coached performed better on measures of peer relationships, academic performance, and employment than children who were parented in any other way.
According to longitudinal research conducted by Dr. John Gottman and the Gottman Relationship and Research Institute, emotional intelligence—even more than IQ—is the best predictor of success and happiness in all facets of life. Parents can help their child become more emotionally intelligent through the use of Emotion Coaching.
Benefits include the ability to self-regulate; develop self-soothing strategies, a greater understanding and control over the body’s physiology, better health, increased attention and better performance in school and in relationships. Emotion coaching teaches individuals how to attune, be truly present, and understand what’s going on with others BEFORE offering solutions or correcting behavior to strengthen the attachment relationship and allow children to gain vital life skills.
All of these strategies are a part of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence encompasses awareness, understanding, and the ability to express and manage emotions.
5 Steps of Emotion Coaching
Be aware of your child/partner’s emotions.
Recognize emotions as an opportunity for connection or teaching.
Help your child verbally label emotions.
Communicate empathy and understanding.
Set limits and problem-solve.
Emotion coaching creates a partnership between the parent and the child with the parent acting as a co-regulator and coach for the child as he/she learns how to identify and understand emotions, regulate emotions, and problem-solve in real time. With practice, children learn how to self-regulate and problem-solve on their own allowing for independence and self-empowerment.
“95% of Emotion Coaching is understanding and empathy. If you don’t understand, when you get to problem-solving then you may be solving the wrong problem.”
— DR. JOHN GOTTMAN
Parenting is more than just problem solving. Effective parenting consists of building a lasting parent-child bond and helping children develop the necessary skills for success across the lifespan. If you are interested in learning more about how you can leverage emotionally charged moments to teach life-long skills, reach out. You will learn how to use difficult parenting moments to respond in effective ways that promote connection, set clear limits, and problem-solve thereby fostering healthy brain development to produce a calmer, happier child.
Emotion Coaching strategies provide hope to parents who feel stuck and unsure of how to navigate the difficult task of parenting. You will discover why children behave the way they do and more effective ways you can respond. You will change your circumstances by changing the way you react and relate to your child, which can literally rewire the brain in more functional and adaptive ways. Meltdowns can become a powerful teaching tool to educate kids about feelings—identifying big emotions and strategies to self-regulate. Challenging moments become opportunities to teach listening skills, empathy, perspective taking, compromise, negotiation, and forgiveness. Emotion Coaching bridges the gap between science and soccer moms to deliver easy to use strategies that can help both kids and adults lead meaningful, balanced, more connected lives.